Lewis Carroll didn’t live to see the 20th century, let alone the advent of email, but he knew a few things about correspondence. In the course of his career he wrote and received 98,721 letters (we know the precise count thanks to a special letter register he devised to keep track of them).
Lewis Carroll’s real name was Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, and he was a professor of mathematics at Oxford. Being a teacher, Dodgson decided to document his advice about how to write more satisfying letters. He did this in a delightful little missive called Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter-Writing.
Although Dodgson knew only handwritten correspondence, I invite you to observe how seven of his suggestions, now 150 years old, might help you with your keyboard correspondence. (His words come first, in his favorite violet ink, followed by my commentary, adjusted for email.)
1. “Your friend is much more likely to enjoy your wit, after his own anxiety for information has been satisfied.”
Don’t compose your response until you have reread your friend’s email, keeping it freshly in mind. Then address your friend’s concerns and questions first—even if there are more than one. This way your friend won’t have to email you again, asking if you saw what s/he had previously written.
2. “In referring to anything your friend has said in his letter, it is best to quote the exact words, and not to give a summary of them in your words.”
To show them you’re truly listening, re-type your correspondents’ own words. (I heard the same advice a few years ago in a course on active listening that Jerry Bell, a professor at the University of North Carolina, taught.)
3. “When once you have said your say, full and clearly, on a certain point, and have failed to convince your friend, drop that subject: to repeat your arguments, all over again, will simply lead to his doing the same; and so you will go on, like a Circulating Decimal.”
Know when to move on.
4. “If your friend makes a severe remark, either leave it unnoticed, or make your reply distinctly less severe: and if he makes a friendly remark, tending towards ‘making up’ the little difference that has arisen between you, let your reply be distinctly more friendly.”
Keep the criticism in check and the door to continued friendship open.
5. “If it should ever occur to you to write jestingly, in dispraise of your friend, be sure you exaggerate enough to make the jesting obvious: a word spoken in jest, but taken as earnest, may lead to very serious consequences.”
Be especially careful about what you think is playful teasing. Without your tone of voice or playful expression on your face, it’s just too easy to be misunderstood.
6. “When you have written a letter that you feel may possibly irritate your friend, however necessary you may have felt it to so express yourself, put it aside till the next day. Then read it over again, and fancy it addressed to yourself. This will often lead to your writing it all over again, taking out a lot of the vinegar and pepper, and putting in honey instead, and thus making a much more palatable dish of it!”
Hitting send is even easier than sealing an envelope; give yourself the gift of perspective.
7. “How many a controversy would be nipped in the bud, if each was anxious to let the other have the last word! Never mind how telling a rejoinder you leave unuttered: never mind your friend’s supposing that you are silent from lack of anything to say…. remember ‘speech is silvern, but silence is golden’!”
Forget about having the last word…or at least, all the time.
You can tell Professor Dodgson was a kind man, and perhaps too keen to avoid conflict. Yes, conflict can be healthy, and arguments among people who trust one another can lead to clearing the air and better understanding. But this is better done face to face—or at least voice to voice—and not in written correspondence. What was true with letters in 1866 is as true today with email.
Isn’t it delightful that dear Professor Charles Dodgson can teach his students yet today? And not just in the dress of Lewis Carroll.
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Excerpted from Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter-Writing by Lewis Carroll, with a foreword by Edward Wakeling and illustrations by Edward Koren. Levenger Press, 1999.
Thank you for the insights into the well-read life of the creator of Alice in Wonderland. My 1954 alma mater received a letter from Lewis Carroll graciously giving his permission to use the Jabberwock title & image for our bimonthly pupil (we were not yet students with a "desire" to learn) newsletter. His response is included on the website of the school's successor. Wish I'd had the presence of mind to request a viewing of the actual letter. Of course, that was before the invention of the photocopier.
Posted by: Claire in Springfield | January 11, 2014 at 09:31 AM
What wonderful advice! And I'm inspired by Carroll's dedication to staying in touch by letter. With our drastically reduced likelihood of taking pen to paper today, I fear for the scarcity of source material for future historians, not to mention genealogists. In most of the best biographies I've read, the subject comes alive because the author was able to bring the subject's "voice" to us from personal or professional correspondence.
Posted by: Elizabeth Cottrell | January 12, 2014 at 10:16 AM
It would be interesting to know how he organized his mail ledger. These essays are always fascinating. Margaret Harker
Posted by: Margaret N. Harker | January 12, 2014 at 12:15 PM
Dear Claire, Elizabeth and Margaret, thank you for sharing.
Yes, I agree, Elizabeth, we need to keep the important art of real letter writing alive and also improve our electronic correspondence. Occasionally, I'll print out an email and stick it in a dust jacket of a relevant book. How about you? Do you have practices for your emails?
As for more information on Lewis Carroll's original, it is in the public domain and you can find it by searching the Google way.
My best to you all,
Steve
Posted by: Steve Leveen | January 13, 2014 at 08:30 AM
I like all of the suggestions for successful correspondence via email. Especially about quoting back what is said, instead of paraphrasing it. My only problem is the highlighted purple text is difficult to read. I have my glasses on and still cannot read it. Otherwise some wonderful suggestion for keeping the conversation/rapport going. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Ainee Beland | February 04, 2014 at 02:05 PM
why not think about adding a fashion component to your line? orchid/violet/lavendar are all big colors this spring - i suggest (and have called customer service) the junior size foldover notebook in violet (not purple) - i PROMISE you it will be a big hit!... thanks for your consideration. tracy tyler
Posted by: Tracy Tyler | February 14, 2014 at 03:16 PM
Steve, Looking for a place to drop this off for you. I think you can use it.
http://derepalaeographica.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/oh-my-hand-complaints-medieval-monks-scribbled-in-the-margins-of-illuminated-manuscripts/
Posted by: Dick Davies | February 24, 2014 at 06:37 PM
Ah, thank you, Tracy, for the suggestion for a violet notebook. Our team is considering and I know they plan more colors, always, in the future. Stand by!
And thanks for the the monkish link, Dick. Fun stuff. I especially relate to the sailor finding his port...
All best to you all,
Steve
Posted by: Steve Leveen | February 25, 2014 at 01:56 PM